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The 31 Jokes of Halloween



1. How do vampires get around on Halloween?

    On blood vessels.


2. Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

    He was trying to get ahead in life.


3. The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm—he just didn't have any guts.


4. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?

    All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.


5. What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?



6. What can you catch from a vampire in winter?



7. What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?



8. Knock, Knock…

    Who's there?


    Phillip who?

    Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!


9. Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom?

    He had no body to go with.


10. Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?

      Any old friend he could dig up!


11. What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?

      Rice Creepies.


12. What’s it like being kissed by a vampire?

      It’s a pain in the neck.


13. What did one ghost say to the other?

      Get a life!


14. Where do fashionable ghosts shop?



15. Knock, Knock…

     Who's there?


      Witch who?

     Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?


16. What do skeletons fly around in?

      A scareplane or a skelecopter.


17. What did the fisherman say on Halloween?

     Trick or trout.


18. Knock, knock!

      Who's there?


      Boo who?

      Don't cry! I didn't mean to scare you.


19. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?



20. What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?



21. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

      I scream.


22. How do ghosts search the Web?

      They use ghoul-gle.


23. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

      Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!


24. How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

      You use a pumpkin patch!


25. What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?

      A cornfield!


26. Who do monsters buy cookies from?

      Ghoul scouts.


27. What do demons eat for breakfast? 

      Deviled eggs.


28. Why do ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween?

      It dampens their spirits.


29. What do you call a chicken that haunts your house? 

      A poultrygeist.



30. What is a ghost’s favorite meal? 



31. What do witches use on their hair?